To long-time singletons who are trying really hard not to be single anymore and who are using online dating websites to help match them up with a possible romantic candidate: you’re spoiled for choice, and that could mean you’re tossing away a chance at true love.
We live in a culture that demands quick results. We also live in a culture of multiple options. The two together sifting through multiple options while still expecting quick results once you make your choice can be a recipe for dating disaster even if it works for buying a car or choosing a restaurant.
The fact is, developing a relationship takes time. Sometimes, it even takes a bit of a leap of faith. While you’ll hear statistics telling you that you’ll know within a minute or two of meeting a person whether or not you’re physically attracted to him or her, those statistics do not take into account the friendship or even future romance that could develop if you stick around.
If you’ve been reluctantly single for a long time, how are you approaching your dating life? Making a few changes could help you finally meet your match and find relationship bliss. Ask yourself the following questions to determine if you might be throwing away a possible match made in heaven.
Have you made room in your life for dating?
Your high-powered career, demanding job, hobbies, love of video games, or even your porn watching habits could be getting in the way of dating time. If you aren’t carving out sufficient time to peruse possible online candidates, start a conversation, and meet in person for dates, how do you expect to find The One? And if you don’t make time now, how could you possibly expect a significant other to stick around if you continue to make other things a priority in your life? If dating is a priority, treat it as such and don’t let other things steal time from this pursuit.
Are you being too picky?
It’s great to have high standards and know what you want, but if you aren’t meeting anyone because no one checks off all the boxes on your long list of must-haves, you could be sabotaging yourself. No one person is going to be absolutely perfect, including you. Consider relaxing your standards a bit about who you get to know. If someone seems very likely and checks off many of the boxes on your list (but not all), give it a shot anyway. Choose only one or two absolute must-haves and make the rest optional.
Are you allowing a relationship time to develop?
So you know within 30 seconds that this girl doesn’t weaken your knees or that guy isn’t the Romeo you’d dreamed of. If your date is likable, has a lot in common with you, or is even just fun to be around, consider giving the relationship some time to develop. Friendships that don’t turn into romance are also fulfilling, and an advantage to developing friendships means you expand your social circle (his best friend’s cousin might be your true love!). In other cases, just getting to know someone you didn’t immediately see as romance material could be the ticket to finding lasting happiness with someone. Don’t throw away the first date too quickly.
Are you working to improve your own personality and character?
The American attitude of “the customer is always right” does not apply to Dating. You can’t be a pushover or a jerk or a tightwad or completely self-centered and then expect other singles to throw themselves at you in droves. Put some time into being the kind of person you’d like to date. Spend time to look physically attractive, but also work to make your insides beautiful and irresistible, whether it’s developing patience, reading up on current events, practicing your comedic one-liners, or learning to read music. Whatever it is in a future mate that you want to attract, be more of that.
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