Ready to open your heart again?

By Reid

Many people get the idea that finding someone else right after breaking up to fill up your loneliness was something unhealthy. However, a psychologist said the opposite.

Though it may be hard, the reactions of your heart to a new person after a heartbreak bring more pros than cons.

Emotions usually force us to adjust our own thoughts and formulate our “resistance”, turn us into a better version. And the positive emotions for a new person just like a great tonic, your pain will relieve faster.

Research shows that love makes us high and brings us the stimulation and excitement the same way cocaine does.  And that’s why your whole world collapses when you suddenly “fall out of love”. The pain just feels like an unsatisfied addiction and that’s why some people even encounter serious depression.

As a result, they hastily put themselves into a new relationship to fill up their blank space. 

In fact, we all believe that the “space filling-up” relationship never lasts. Nevertheless, it’s good for us to find someone else. It’s an efficient way for our brain to give up the old feelings, old habits which may lead you to your ex or your previous relationships, and it engages yourself for a very new beginning. And once you are able to cut off your old habits and emotion, you are ready for a new relationship.

And instead of calling it a “space filling-up relationship”, why don’t we call it a “healing relationship”?

Not all “healing relationships” get superficial emotions. So before getting into this relationship, you need to deal with the remaining issues from the previous relationship on your own. You need to figure the cause of the breakup and be willing to avoid that from happening again.

Your new partner would give you more strength and confidence, additionally, the lessons from your previous relationship also improve you.

That is a huge benefit, absolutely.

Of course, sometimes, people rush into a new relationship blindly to overshadow their loneliness or just to find someone familiar to their ex.

Different from that, a “healing relationship” has awareness.

You need to know that, you are on the way to move on. You want to be happier and be more optimistic.

To make it clearer, you should ask yourself the 4 following questions:

1. Is it right that I am willing to date anyone? If the answer is yes, you absolutely need to stop your new relationship immediately. Travel, meditation or doing anything else for yourself is much better choices to heal yourself without hurting others.

2. Do I talk too much about my ex to my new date? If yes, you should talk to your friends or write down everything you want to talk about your ex. Afterward, keep yourself busy to avoid reminding yourself about your ex.

3. Does my mood change constantly? Again, if it is yes, you are in trouble. I know your mood would not be stable after breaking up. However, if you are happy while being with your new love but depressed when you are alone, you are absolutely not ready for a new relationship.

4. Do you still keep the expectation that you and your ex would be together again? This is the most serious sign. Obviously, you are just using your new partner as a pain-killer and for gratifying yourself. Whenever you wake up with that expectation, you would never be ready to give your heart to someone else.

So, when will you be ready?

It is the day you still feel sad, lonely and remember your ex, but you understand that everything has come to an end. You got the desire to be with someone, but of course, it’s not anyone.

After breaking up, even though you are the one who said goodbye, you still have the emptiness and the idea that you could never fall in love anymore. But luckily, you meet a new person who cares about you and really wants to get into a relationship with you. And you are happy about that. Though it may happen earlier than you think, just give yourself a chance.

If the answers for the 4 questions above is no, let engage yourself for a brand new relationship by the 7 following ways:

1. Starting your day by reminding yourself about the happy moment you had with your new date, about how lucky you are when you had another chance to find someone who treasures you.

2. Avoid recalling your ex with a negative attitude. A positive attitude helps you focus on the good things and let you have a new better relationship.

3. After a heartbreak, it’s unavoidable to feel pain even though you got someone else. Why don’t you try taking photos of the happy moments of you and your new love and looking at them whenever you feel blue.

4. Show off your seriousness by erasing or putting away all the past objects or photos on your social network. It not only helps your heart move on but also gets your new love’s trust.

5. Never put too many expectations on your new love. A relationship that ends comes with disappointment. However, never try to use your new love to offset things that your ex lacks. That’s a really big mistake.

6. Learn from your previous relationship. Make use of that and turn yourself into a better version in your new relationship. You will grow up through every relationship that you have been in. And try to never repeat the same mistake!

7. Relax and accept that everything will move slowly. Your new date approaches you a little slowly? Of course, you have just broken up, just accept that. Maybe at present, he only holds your hand or gives you hugs. Enjoy that first! Don’t rush into the new relationship because you want to run from the sadness.

This door closes, another door opens. If you truly believe that you are ready to open your heart again – though it has not been a long time since your heartbreak. No matter how many times you have been hurt in the past, but humans were born to love. We were born to connect with others and share a deep emotional and physical bond. Don’t hesitate to stand up, don’t be scared or mistrust yourself!

Stay tuned and have a safe trip!