Texting, dating apps, swipe right… it’s all making dating a whole lot easier, but could texting actually be destroying your dating life? Maybe, maybe not. We look at the pros and cons of texting and dating. Where to draw the line and where to enjoy the line.
The Good
Times are changing, you’re more likely to hear “we met on a dating app” from newlyweds than you would have a few years ago. A recent study actually revealed that meeting someone online has become the most popular method. Texting plays a pivotal role in that, getting to know a small bit of that person before you actually meet could be the make or break, and similarly, the first impression you leave will be a few words and your profile picture.
First Texts
How can you leverage this to get the most “bang for your characters”? Fortunately, there are some do’s and don’t’s when it comes to those first few words.
- Don’t just say “hi”, add some beef, but nothing too specific. Mention something you like about their profile picture (flattery will get you everywhere), talk about something you saw in their other public pics (not the ones you stalked on facebook – just the ones on the dating app), and find some similar interests to mention (casually).
- Use proper grammar and spelling – none of dat that shortened text or acronyms. You don’t know what they’re background is, so your casual LOL could be their awkward “lots of love”.
- Don’t send short replies – it shows a lack of interest. But, Do keep it medium length, no one wants to read essays. If you don’t have enough similar interest while still texting, it’s more likely than not that the conversation will run dry in real life.
- Keep it casual in the beginning, don’t be pushy! If you’ve been chatting for a few days, and it all seems normal, you should start discussing a meetup.
Texting Compliments Dating
We live in the 21st century, there is no denying that we spend more time on our phones that we probably do actually talking to people, and texting can complement new and existing relationships.
Texting after a date can reinforce that feeling of being connected. A simple “I had a great time” or “thanks for the flowers” will make the other person feel appreciated without the awkwardness that a call can sometimes have (let’s face it we’re not all extroverts – some of us need to hide behind a screen to say something nice to someone we like)
So texting could be your start to a “happily ever after”, however, there are some things to steer clear of…
The Bad
Some people think texting IS dating, and nothing could be further from the truth. Get your relationship into the real world as soon as you’ve established a connection. “I’ve been dating this guy online for three years” is the premise for some dodgy “How I Ended Up Dating A Prisoner” news report.
What to avoid when texting and dating
Don’t wait too long to “take it live”.
Unfortunately, some prospects might be stringing you along, and the easiest way to determine if the person on the other side is as serious as you are is to organize a date.
If you’re in the same zip code, this could happen within the first week. If you’re further apart, it’s ok to wait a bit longer to meet in person, but seriously, video chat exists. Make sure their real and sincere fast.
Sexting can be sexy
But it should definitely not be brought up in the first few messages if you’re looking for a serious relationship. On the other hand, it’s all good if you are actually just looking for sex, but consider the other person and maybe bring it up early on in the conversation.
The perfect sext is when both parties want it. When just one is interested, it’s downright gross for the other. And please, NO DICK PICS. No one wants to see that.
Sexting is all about the imagination, letting that other person see your strong muscular arms and ripped abs as if she’s lying on your chest, or giving him a glimpse of the folds of your breasts. Now that’s sexy sexting. Keep it classy people.
Be yourself and avoid being ambiguous while texting
As Dr. Suess would advise – “Be who you are and say what you mean”. This will go a long way in ensuring that the relationship works in the long run.
That being said, consider how you might sound while texting, this person doesn’t know you, and texts can easily get lost in translation.
Avoid weirdos and be cautious
The internet can be a scary place, there are a lot of people out there who pretend to be something they’re not. Keeping texting short and verifying who the person actually is can keep you safe.
Always have first dates in busy, popular places, and if you’re not comfortable with how the dates going, it’s perfectly ok to excuse yourself and leave.
Don’t Ghost
Leaving a bad date is totally acceptable but disappearing while still texting is a bit weak. Don’t Ghost a perfectly decent human being. Just because they’re not your type, doesn’t mean you can dismiss them without as much as a “it’s been nice to meet you, good luck in finding someone”.
If however, they don’t get the hint, you have our full permission to block, delete, or even report them immediately. No one’s got time for that.
So what’s the verdict – is texting helping or hurting relationships?
It seems it’s a double-edged sword.
A recent study, reviewed by Medicinenet, revealed that in existing relationships, texting to show affection or organize things like a date (or when to pick up the kids – but you’re not there yet) can strengthen relationships, but texting to discuss a serious topic (like if they want kids) is a deal-breaker.
So take some tips from the relationships that have worked and that continue working and use texting to support your prospective relationships instead of harming them. There is no one way when it comes to love, and trial and error mixed with some luck from cupid is the only way to seal the deal.
